And finally… Oliver’s army

House of Commons officials have fitted a tamper alarm to the bust of Oliver Cromwell in order to prevent Labour MP Stephen Pound from turning it to face the wall in protest of the military and political leader’s record in Ireland.

Mr Pound, the MP for Ealing North, has objected to the bust for a number of years but his anger flared up after it was moved to a new location – closer to his office.

He told Mail Online: “The butcher turned up on my doorstep. I am in negotiations with the authorities. His butcher stare gets me every morning when I come in.

“They have put a tremble alarm on it. I don’t know about health and safety, but he had better watch out for his health and safety.”

Cromwell led the Roundheads against the Royalists in the English Civil War, becoming Lord Protector, an office combining the functions of monarch and prime minister, following the execution of Charles I in 1649.

A Commons spokesman said: “In common with museums and galleries, individuals on the parliamentary estate are asked not to touch any statues, paintings or other works of art on display, due to the risk of damage to the artworks.

“Anyone found to be doing so will be reminded of the rules.”

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